Bigredcoat

Videogames, politics, science, all the important things in life.

Wallet Abuse Wednesday 1-13-10: Army of Dude the Brotieth Day

Posted by nfinit on January 12, 2010

For the record, you people should all buy Bayonetta this week, too.

Army of 2: The 40th Day (PS360, PSP)

I keep intending to to an article on the essential qualities of a brodude game, and the Army of 2 games are remarkable in that the hit like five different qualifiers– Skull masks, co-op gameplay, fists bumps, bald marines, thinly-veiled homosexuality– the only thing the Ao2 series lacks is sponsorship by Mountain Dew and a box quote from Maxim.com.
As far as this actual game?  Well, it might not suck, or at least it doesn’t suck nearly as bad as the first Army of 2.  It’s got a Metacritic average of 83, which is on the high side of average, and it actually does some interesting things in that it incorporates a morality system in a Gears-style co-op shooter.  It looks like dumb fun, but I’m not sure if it’s sixty dollars worth of dumb fun, and like most games of it’s ilk you won’t extract full value if you don’t have anyone to play with.

(tangental:  A google search for “ballistic face mask” reveals an absolutely frighting subculture of Airsoft fanatics who want to look exactly like Army of 2 protagonists Tyson Rios and Elliot Salem.  These are grown men who openly elect to destroy their peripheral vision while wandering around remote forests dressed as hired mercenaries!  Western gaming-inspired cosplay is a weird, weird thing)
Daniel X (DS)
So we have a DS game clearly marketed at the Ben-10 market who’s biggest selling point is that it’s written by James Patterson.  I have no idea how we got here nor am I brave enough to venture forth into this facet of popular culture.  But as with most things prevalent in young adult literary culture right now, I’m going to assume vampires and/or Harry Potter is somehow involved.
Marines:  Modern Urban Combat (Wii)

Anyone else think it’s kinda unseemly for the USMC to endorse a Wii game?  I mean, it’s one thing for the Army to use taxpayer dollars to fund an FPS that’s obviously trying to improve the Army’s image among potiential recruits, but shouldn’t the Marines be above this kinda thing?  And then there’s the title, which is obviously meant to confuse people into thinking it’s on par with Modern Warfare–
–but then I realize it’s a Wii-exclusive that’s going up the same week as Arm of 2 the same week, so maybe the developer is trying something interesting and is willing to give Wii owners something along the same level of experience.  And maybe despite it’s thirty dollar pricepoint it’s not completely embarassing to the natio–
hahaha holy shit.
Sands of Destruction (DS)

…which is amazing for the singular fact that Sega managed to bring in developers responsible for Xenogears, Grandia and Etrain Odyssey and managed to produce a throughly generic DS JRPG.
Which is all a shame, as the art is outstanding and there appear to be interesting combat elements that incorporate fighting game mechanics.  But everythign else?  It reads like a Make-A-DS-JRPG flowchart.  Mysterious hero?  check.  Mysterious hero with the power to destroy the world?  Check.  Mysterious hero with the power to destroy the world and he has no idea how or why?  Check.  Mysterious hero who has the ability to destroy the world  and he has no idea why and multiple factions are fighting over him?  Check.  Studio IG OVA series about a Mysterious hero with the power to destroy the world and he has no idea why and multiple factions are fighting over him?  Check.
Secret Files 2: Puritas Cordis (wii)
Remember back when the DS was released and we were all “Hey now maybe people will start making adventure games again!”?
Grats.
Sky Crawlers:  Innocent Aces (Wii)
Not a shock:  Wii arcadey flight sim using the motion controls
Indications of trouble:  Based on an anime; published by X-Seed
Totally a shock:  It’s actually a pretty darned good videogame.
But hey, it’s the Ace Combat guys.  If anyone’s going to do an arcade flight sim right on any console, it’s going to be the guys working within the genre since 1995.  Also, this is everything Wii fans should like about Wii games– a serious Wii game utilizing the Wii’s specific skillset to provide a hardcore gaming experience that can only be performed on the Wii itself– the only problem is, as I mentioned above, it’s an X-Seed game, so it’s going to receive no advertising at all.  Also it’s budget priced, which given the situation might actually hurt the games sales as it’ll be seen as junk by the vast majority of the Wii’s audience.
If your’e looking for one game to cheer for in this entire update, this is it.  It’s just a same the only people who will ever hear of Sky Crawlers will be people reading this blog and subscribers to Play magazine.
Vancouver 2010 (PS360)
Eugh.  I mean, I should care about this game because it’s Sega but there’s only been one good Olympics-inspired game ever and that was Decathelete/Athelete Kings for the Saturn back in 1996.  Also the less attention we pay to stuff like this the less chance there will be of further Mario/Sonic Olympic Games titles.
Walk it out (Wii)

Nope, not talking about this.
Windy X Windham (DS)
Hey!
Hey hey hey hey– is that an original fighting game for the DS based off the Legend of the Unemployed Ninja franchise?
For twenty bucks?
Hells yes it is!  This is probably a terrible, terrible game– I mean, gamestop won’t even list the stupid thing– but it’s only twenty bucks and we need something to offset the staggering dudebro influence at the top of the page.
NEXT WEEK~!
DARK VOID~!  IS REALLY OUTSTANDINGLY TERRIBLE!
SILENT HILL SHATTERED MEMORIES~! PSP CONFUSES; ANGERS ME!
GLORY OF HERACLES~!  IS HERE BECAUSE ONLY FOUR GAMES ARE BEING RELEASED NEXT WEEK AND THERE’S NO WAY I’M TALKING ABOUT FAST FOOD PANIC TWICE!
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One Response to “Wallet Abuse Wednesday 1-13-10: Army of Dude the Brotieth Day”

  1. Brian said

    Man, Daniel-X : THE ULTIMATE POWER looks jamazing. Just watched a video and you can turn into a soccer ball apparently.

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