Videogames, politics, science, all the important things in life.

Wallet Abuse Wednesday 12-2-03

Posted by nfinit on November 29, 2009

MX vs ATV:  Reflex (PS360, Wii, DS, PSPLOL)

The highest mullet-per-perchase ratio of any franchise in gaming.

But I kid.  The MX vs ATV series is one of those that I wish I had more time and/or money to pay attention to, as the games in the series tends to do some very interesting stuff– this year for instance, the rider have physics independent of their rides and can be used to shift weight and momentum for turns.  Stuff like that and loading screen minigames and being able to perform tricks while on the back of a bike seem really insanely cool, even if the target audience are the sort of guys who hang around in trailers drinking Coors and complaining about Mexicans.

One thing that’s always bothered me about this series though– the whole MX vs ATV thing.  I mean sure, for certain segments of the population

ATVs might be cool, but they’ve not really been relevant since that time DMX inexplicably bought a fleet of the silly things.  Insofar as this game, why would you bother with a four-wheeler when you can do this:

Unless there’s some wierd gameplay reason such as attaching rocket launchers to your ATV?

James Cameron’s Avatar:  The Game (PS360, Wii, PSPLOL)

Everything about Avatar has “clusterfuck” written all over it, and the game is no exception.  Remember what I was saying a couple weeks back about being wary of games where no one’s received early review copies?  Yeah, Avatar’s so under the radar with the gaming press that the latest news update from 1up dates back to September 2007. Combined with the post-Black Friday release and it becomes obvious that Ubisoft’s scared to death of this game.

As far as the game itself it’s main hook– aside from being anchored to a movie with a quarter billion dollar budget yet somehow looks like something produced by Dreamwork’s b-team– is that it’ll use stereoscopic 3d.  Which sounds interesting until you remember we did that already

and if Sega couldn’t get it to work I’m pretty sure the geniuses responsible for Lost:  Via Domos won’t fare much better.

Rogue Warrior (PS360)

Aside from the bit where this game dropped off the face of the earth after being in development for nearly four years and resurfaced at E3, this might not be an awful game– gameplay videos reveal something of a combination of a single-player Modern Warfare combined with a spectacularly violent Splinter Cell game, neither of which are bad things at all.  In fact, if the stealth elements are done right, it may even be a decent game.  And it’s being done by Rebellion, so ultra-nationalistic military stuff is right up their alley.

Might and Magic:  Clash of Heroes (DS)

You have to be wary about any game that releases after Black Friday; but there’s the very real possibility that Clash of Heroes might turn out to be something special.  Of course, the late release may represent trepidation on Ubisoft’s part– it’s not really a Might and Magic as per previous games in the series, it’s more of a bejeweled/strategy game hybrid where the player re-arranges the ranks of their army  in order to defeat whatever baddie they’re currently up against; combined with a faux-JRPG overworld– here, it makes more sense if you just watch the video:

The only thing that bugs me is the clearly manufactured Anime style which winds up making the game look like something licensed from Nicktoons.  I dunno, maybe I’m not being rational here, but it just feels “off” to me when western developers try to ape the manga style.  I can understand why they’re doing it, they want Clash of Heroes to be as far removed from the mainline M&M series as possible while still banking on the name, but it’s not like the M&M series didn’t already have a compelling art style to draw from:

Oh, and there’s no quicksave.  So that’s not so good.

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (Wii DS)

The Squeakquel to what, exactly? What happened to Alvin and the Chipmunks where the word “sequel” became applicable? The fucking rodents have been around for fifty years now, was there a reboot I wasn’t aware of?  The gameplay trailer was infuriatingly unclear as to what exactly happened in the Chipmunk universe (Alvinverse?  Chimpmunk Omnibus?) that the supposed sequel references.  However, this trailer did make two things fairly clear.

1:  Alvin is high as a lord:

2:  This movie/game/event/whatever is going to lead to lead us into a new generation of deeply troubled Furries:

Rec Room Games (Wii)

I can only respect a rec room if it contains wood veneer panelling and/or a keg stand.  As this lacks either, I cannot respect this game.  Also I’m pretty sure the original Rec Room Games starred Peter North and Jenna Fine and at any rate was certainly not fit for the typical Wii audience.

Storybook Workshop

Well that’s adorable.  Also this is being published by Konami so presumably you’ll be able to press up up down down left right left right B, A, Start to access a secret hard mode and fight Old Mother Hubbard using nothing but the Vampire Killer with no sub weapons to access the real ending.

7 Wonders II (DS)

So is this 14 wonders or 49 wonders?  Things like this bother me.

Also this is a bog standard Bejewled ripoff.  But in Egypt!  Maybe.  There are no screens, so I’m just assuming at this point.  This could be the sequel to Panzer Dragoon Saga for all I know.

Safecracker (DS)

Thirty five different safes to crack!  That seems like a lot of safes, right?

Wait just a moment here!  40 rooms yet only 35 safes?

There are clearly more rooms than safes!  Is this Room Walk Around Guy or Safecracker?  This is a substandard safecracking game and I will not stand for your chicanery, Dreamcatcher Interactive!  This and your outlandish claims of therapeutic health benefits through Wii Yoga have cast a terrible shadow upon your other fine, respectable efforts, such as:

Just what are we learning from you now, Dreamcatcher?  Lies and chicanery!  And possibly how to break into secure military installations.

Dreamer: Zoo Keeper

All I have to say here is that if your dream is to be a zookeeper then you either come from a long line of zookeeping nobility or have appallingly low standards.


One Response to “Wallet Abuse Wednesday 12-2-03”

  1. Wes said

    I’ll have you know that the ‘high as a lord’ line made me spit out my drink.

    Alvin, your addiction is tearing this family apart.

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