Bigredcoat

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Archive for June, 2009

Wallet Abuse Wednesday 6-10-09

Posted by nfinit on June 10, 2009

The Legendary Starfy

Legendary Starfy is the latest of a franchise Nintendo refused to bring over to America because they felt it was “too Japanese.” My theory is that Nintendo didn’t think Americans would pay money for a game consisting of water levels from Super Mario World. But then a half million of up and spent a hundred and seventy US dollars for downgraded DS Lites, and now Nintendo knows we’re willing to buy pretty much anything set before us.

But as long as Nintendo is willnig to sell us World 3 of SMW3, is there any way we can get a Brain Training game re-skinned to star one of the little brain hugger guys from Metroid? Because I’d pay money to play Headhugger Brain Academy.

Tiger Woods 2010

I admit I don’t follow sports games much, but with the notable (and noble) exception of the Wii MotionPlus version, what exactly will TW10 do that TW09 didn’t do? Does Charles Barkely show up to wreak vengeance upon the populace of Cleveland? Does John Daly get new pink pants? Does Tiger Woods have to hop around on one leg as he tries to land on the 17th green at Sawgrass?

EA sports fans are not in the habit of rationalizing their buying habits. You buy the new Tiger Woods because it’s the new Tiger Woods. But it’s a fascinating phenomenon and there must be a logical reason how EA can get people to buy yearly updates of a half-dozen different franchises when XSeed can’t release Retro Gaming Challenge II in the US without the fear of going insolvent in the process.

Prototype

I’ll be honest, I can’t remember the difference between this and Infamous; I’m only assuming Prototype is the more decent of the two as it’s not PS3 exclusive. As neither of these games are Just Cause 2, I can’t be bothered to care.

While we’re on the subject of open world destruction-gasms, can we agree that Mercenaries 2 has been the unmitigated disappointment of the console generation? I finally got around to finishing the game last week and was struck by how obvious it was that the game was an upscaled PS2 game with good smoke effects. It was just an awful experience, and between this and Mirror’s Edge I now retroactively hate everything EA’s ever done. I cannot fathom how Visceral Games managed to keep the corporate taint away from Dead Space.

Miami Law

I googled the video trailer and refuse to do any further research as I badly need to live in a universe where Vice City and Pheonix Wright can be combined to make the best DS game ever made. MARTIN LAW! SARAH STERLING! Action and investigation WILL SAVE MIAMI–and teach us the true meaning of family.

Rock Band Unplugged/Guitar Hero on Tour: Modern Hits

I’ve stated at length I just don’t “get” rhythm games. I have simply accepted that they will forever be beyond my kin, much like Windows registry settings or country music or German scat porn.

The best I could do for Unplugged was to visit review sites for insight, whereupon I learned that Unplugged basically plays like Harmonix’s breakout title, Frequency. Now, I’d never played Frequency and only infrequently (ha!) heard mention of it; I was quite surprised to learn Frequency was basically what Jeff Minter wished he could have done with Tempest 2000 before going on a three year long meth- and whiskey-bender and churned out Space Giraffe instead. Now I’m quite convinced had I ever been wiling to expose myself to Frequency earlier I’d be able to grok Rock Band and Guitar Hero.

On to Modern Hits: how did it feel for Vicarious Visions to learn that a half million potential buyers were more interested in Animal Crossing Clock than ever playing another DS Guitar Hero?

Vertigo

When researching “Vertigo Wii”, I accidentally typed in “Vertigp Wii”, which I’m positive resulted in far more interesting results than anything I could possibly find related to Vertigo Wii.

Other things to google for that are more interesting than Vertigo Wii:

Geoduck

The Boston Molasses Disaster of 1919

Random links at Stardestroyer.net

Amazon.com clothes hamper buyer’s guides

The Long-Eared Jerboa

Miami Law

2girls1cup reaction videos

Video reviews for Twilight starring morbidly obese, mentally deranged teenage girls

Draft history of the Oakland Athletics, 1998-present

Virtua Tennis 2009

Remember when Virtua Tennis was relevant and game-changing and sold systems? That was a fun 20 minutes.

Anyway, video tennis, whatever. As long as you’re comfortable in the knowledge you’re paying sixty bucks for Pong, God bless you. Here’s what I don’t get about tennis games: unlike baseball or racing or even golf, tennis isn’t that hard to figure out. At least the average video golf player isn’t going to ever have a chance to play a round at Augusta, but a tennis court is a tennis court is pretty much a tennis court. Admittedly seeing the backside of Maria Sharapova bounce around for a half-hour is an intriguing prospect, but what else does this genre bring to the table?

Divas on Ice

No. Just no. The tagline for this game mentions “ice skating for young girls” and there’s just no way I can do any quality research on this game without flagging myself as a pedophile in twelve states and three foreign countries with extradition treaties.

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